CHENEY CURTAILS DAYTIME APPEARANCES
By R J Shulman
CODY, Wyoming – In a move long anticipated by political insiders, Vice President Dick Cheney announced that he will be ending his daytime appearances. “He has become a liability to the President,” said Matthew Streit, Senior Media Associate of the Heritage Foundation, a Conservative think tank. “He gives the left something they can sink their teeth into, a scapegoat, a sacrificial lamb.”

“It is unfair,” said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, “but the liberal media have so hounded the Vice President that they have frankly put a spike through the heart of his political career.”

The Vice President, who rescheduled an afternoon appearance at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado until after sundown said, “I know that some people in my position might be discouraged, if you will, that life sucks and then you die. Well I disagree…at least with the second part of that.”