BUSH SH*TS HIMSELF AT G-8 SUMMIT
by R J Shulman
HEILIGENDAMM, Germany – Claiming an “upset stomach,” President Bush had to bow out of some meetings at the international summit on Friday. “Explosive diarrhea is more like it,” said recently fired White House aide Curt Wannamaker.

“It was not likely related to anything he ate,” said another aide, “as no one else got sick from the food.” One minute he was talking to Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, who asked him about why he invaded in Iraq,” said White House counselor Dan Bartlett, “and then it sounded like a bomb went off.” “I’m afraid that I ducked like a scared chicken, admitted Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva,"I thought the terrorists had followed him from over there in Iraq to over here in Germany.”

Bartlett joked that Bush had avoided the other leaders while he felt ill as a “precautionary step” as Bush did not want to follow in the footsteps of his father George H.W. Bush, who at a state dinner in Tokyo fainted and then vomited.” “I’ll let the other so-called leaders do the puking, this time,” Bush told reporters.