U.S. DEMOCRACY LOST IN THE MAIL
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The US Post Office announced today that United States Democracy has been lost en route from Washington to Bagdad. “We were so proud of our form of government,” said an unnamed United States Post Office official, "that we wanted to make sure it arrived in Iraq. However, it never got there.”

“All we know,” said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, “is that it left the United States on March 19, 2003, the day we started our campaign in Iraq. It hasn’t been seen since.”

“We speculate,” said Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates, “that it may have gotten hung up in Guantanamo or in one of Dick Cheney’s underground bunkers.”

“Don’t ask me,” said Attorney General Alberto Gonzales when he was asked by a congressional committee looking into the matter, “I don’t remember what it looks like.”