MYSTERIOUS RED SPLOTCHES PLAGUE BUSH ADMINISTRATION
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – A strange malady has been affecting members of the Bush Administration, a newly released White House report stated today. The report noted that unexplained patches of dark red appear on the skin of senior administration officials.

“No amount of soap seems to be able to wash this redness off,” said Vice President Dick Cheney. “It happens sudden, like,” said President George W. Bush, who seems to have one of the worst cases. “One minute I’m hearing about all that mayhemness in Iraq with them people being suddenly deceased and the next thing you know my hands have these dark red stains on them.”

“We have no idea what is causing this problem,” said a White House spokesman, “but it has gotten even worse after the recent troop surge in Iraq. The red spots are practically dripping off their hands.”