NEW STUDY SAYS DISAPPEARANCE OF BEES CAUSED BY HIP HOP MUSIC
by R J Shulman
ALEXANDRIA, Va – In a report just released, the Brimstone Foundation, a faith-based scientific study group, announced that the recent and sudden disappearance of bees in the world was due to the proliferation of hip-hop music.

“The use of disparaging and disrespectful language toward females,” said Roger Horsefecalien, spokesperson for Brimstone, “has caused the breakup of the bee family. How do you expect,” he continued, “the queen to stick around after the lazy should-be worker bee calls her a ho and a bitch?”

In addition, the report noted the use of Ebonics in rap lyrics that often uses phrases such as “I bee this” or “I bee doing that,” which further degraded bee colonies. When contacted about the Brimstone report, rapper Snoop Dog, known for some of the most explosive rap lyrics said, “ I bee sorry for any f**kin’ bee up and dying cause of my sh*t.”

“I knew it wasn’t my fault for what I said,” remarked recently fired shock jock Don Imus after reading the Brimstone report. “I should get my mo’ fo’ job back after the hos at CBS read this sh*t.”