POPE PUTS LIMBO IN LIMBO
By R. J. Shulman
VATICAN – Pope Benedict XVI has reversed centuries of Catholic theology by declaring that children who die without baptism can still go to heaven. This is in contradiction to the long held Catholic teaching that babies who are born with original sin, could not enter heaven, but were saved from the flames of hell by being sent to limbo.

The Papal approval of the findings of the International Theological Commission, a Vatican advisory panel, did not suggest abolishing Purgatory. “We are going to let the little babies into heaven," said Giuseppe Cardoni, of the Commission. “However, certain adults not automatically doomed to the hot fires of hell, will still have a chance to cool their heels. This includes those that have not yet accepted Christ as their personal savior or those who voted for John Kerry.”

“It’s kind of like they got rid of one type of waiting room, like the outer one in a doctor’s office,” said noted Yale theologian Clifford Yates, “but kept the inner waiting room for certain types not quite ready for the harps and wings.”

“At first I thought the Pope got rid of Rush Limbaugh,” said Winfred Mushenheim, of Carlisle, Pennsylvania, “but then I heard it was about getting rid of the doctor’s waiting room for the little babies.” “Speaking of doctor’s waiting rooms,” said her husband Nate, a fifty-one year old pipe fitter, “I hear that Rush fella has seen a lot of those lately.”

Not everyone is pleased with the Pope’s decision. “First he gets rid of Limbo, next it will be the Twist or the Hully Gully,” said Danny Franz, dance coordinator of the popular ABC-TV series, Dancing with the Stars.

“I am pleased that the other decider,” said President Bush from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, “has decided that the little Iraqi babies we kinda tore up in our operation shock and awe don’t have to waiticate any more and can join all them little snowflakes already in heaven.”

“I believe, if you will,” said Vice President Dick Cheney from an undisclosed location deep underground, “that limbo is in its final throes.”