DRESS DOES MAKE LOCAL WOMAN LOOK FAT
By R J Shulman
Millwood, WA - While getting dressed for trip to a shopping mall in nearby Spokane, Loretta Swerling asked her husband, Gerald if the dress she chose made her look fat. Without thinking, Gerald answered in the affirmative.

“I must have been distracted by my fly which got stuck. I was about to take a leak when Sweet Pea asked about the green number she was trying on and I said yes,” Gerald said from his hospital bed at Millwood General.

A quick poll was taken by the hospital staff when Loretta brought the injured Gerald to the emergency room. “When we heard why Loretta had clocked her hubby,” said head nurse Winnie Whitehorse, “us nurses looked at the green dress, and by a margin of three to one, found that the dress really did make her look fat.”

“I am so embarrassed,” said a contrite Loretta. “Not because I ripped the hall mirror off the wall and smashed it over Sweetum’s head, but because I really did look fat in that dress.” The nurses agreed that the little black number Loretta wore the next day to visit Gerald in intensive care was a better choice. “It slimmed her thighs rather nicely,” said nurse Harriet Bolcum, “so I’m gonna get me one just like it.”