PRESIDENT LOOKS HIGH AND LOW FOR 'WAR CZAR'

By R J Shulman



Bush asks baby to be war
Czar

WASHINGTON – The White House has indicated it wants to name a high-powered person to be the so-called ‘war czar’ to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but so far all of the four-star generals contacted have declined the offer. "The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going," said retired Marine Gen. John J. "Jack" Sheehan, a former top NATO commander who was among those rejecting the job.

So the President has begun looking elsewhere. “We wanted Brownie,” said the President, referring to Michael Brown, the former head of FEMA, “but he was doing a heck of a job remaining scarce, if you know what I mean.” “I know Don Imus will probably looking for a job soon,” the President continued, “but I’m not sure how many nappy-headed hos’ he’d find in the Middle East and that’s the only thing he is an expert on.,” Bush then proceeded to walk to a street corner looking for an illegal alien to fill the position. “They know all about how to illegally cross the border and maybe they could help us stop all them Al Qaeda’s from getting’ into Iraq,” the President said.

However the problem may be solved as Vice President Dick Cheney offered a solution from his undisclosed bunker, “ While I did find a guy who claimed to be a descendant of Czar Nicholas of Russia, I think the best solution is for me to name myself the war czar. It worked well when I named myself Vice President. But I think it best,” he added, “if I just shorten my title to Czar.”