FETUS ANNOUNCES RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN 2056
by R. J. Shulman
ALPHARETTA, Ga – Earlier today, a fetus announced its intention to run for the President in 2056. “You can’t start too early these days with all the fundraising and name recognition that is necessary,” said the as yet unnamed fetus, “so today I am throwing my placenta in the ring.”

“The first thing that I will do as President is to abolish all the laws that outlaw breast feeding in public,” the fetus said. "At first, I’ll be a Libertarian, because I won’t want anyone to tell me what to do. Then I’ll become a wide-eyed liberal in college, switch to the Republican Party after I acquire some wealth, but near the end of my life, I’ll become a liberal Democrat when I realize I’d better atone for my greediness.”

When asked who has inspired it the most, the fetus answered, “Janet Jackson, the hooters girls, oh my god, Miss November, and my mother of course.” When asked why it wants to run for President, it said, “I think we need a President that is vulnerable enough to cry, is not concerned if it wets its pants in times of crisis as long as the job gets done, and a President who can holler long and loud until it gets what it wants.”