FALWELL MISSES LIMBO BY THREE WEEKS
by R J Shulman
HELL - The Reverend Jerry Falwell, who died today at 73, may have hung on to life just a little too long as Pope Benedict XVI had just abolished Limbo twenty-one days earlier. “St. Peter tends to be a reasonable guy,” said Yale Theologian Grant Pickering, “and he would have most likely sent Falwell to limbo to have a chance to atone for his earthly behavior that was quite frankly, abominable. So the gatekeeper,” Pickering added, “must have had no choice but to send the Right Reverend down below.”

“I’m not sure which would have shocked Falwell more,” said theologian Michael Martinson of Notre Dame University, “the jolt of the sudden rise in temperature from his air-conditioned office at Liberty University to the eternal damnation fires of hell or finding out that Jesus is a long-haired sandal wearing peacenik who loves gays as much as he loves anyone else.”