BUSH REVEALS HIS MAJOR INFLUENCE
By R. J. Shulman

NEW YORK – On FOX TV’s Hannity and Colmes show, President Bush told Sean Hannity the identity of the person he most admired, the person who he modeled his presidency after. “Most people might think that it’s Jesus or my wife, what her name,” the President said in a moment of unusual clarity. “But no, it’s the other fellah who took steps to starticate a preemptive war.”

“Are you serious?” asked a shocked Alan Colmes. The President answered, “As serious as one of Dick Cheney’s heart attacks. Now, the American people must understand, that like that other fellah, I made up a scapegoat. He used Jews, I used A-rabs, now how ironical is that?”

“I sometimes joke,” said an amused Bush, “that the only difference between him and me was that he actually got elected.”