CONGRESS VOTES TO START IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The House of Representatives by a vote of 294 to 141, voted to start impeachment proceedings against Hilary Clinton. “The poles show she could be our next President,” said Roy Blunt, (R- Missouri), “so we better get started early.”

“Hilary has not come clean with the American people,” said Dan Burton (R-Iowa) , “while she's claimed she was upset when Bill cheated on her, we have irrefutable evidence she's lying because a lesbian wouldn’t give too hoots whether Bill was having sex with that woman.” “We know she's one of those lesbians,” said John Boehner (R-Ohio), “because we read it on the internet."

It is unknown whether there will be enough Senate votes to preemptively remove Hilary Clinton from office before she was elected, but Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.) said, “I will have to change my affiliation and declare myself a Republican to make sure that flip-flopper Hilary never gets to live in the White House again.”