BUSH FINALLY ADMITS IT'S A CIVIL WAR

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After long denying it was a civil war, President Bush announced today that he has changed his mind. "I thought it was us aginst them terrorists," he said today, "but it looks the war between the states was a civil kind of war, 'cause I just found out that Al Quida wasn't around in 1861." Bush blaimed the error on a problem with intelligence.

"No one could have known when South Carolina seceeded from the Union that it was really a civil war," said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow. Even though he was asked several times by reporters, Bush failed to comment on the nature of the current conflict in Iraq.