BUSH ADMINISTRATION TO INVESITIGATE IRAQI BENCHMARK SLIPPAGE
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Bush announced that his is ordering a full-scale investigation into the apparent slippage of benchmarks that were to measure the progress of the new Iraqi government. “One day them Iraq folks were supposed to have elections, power sharing agreements and all this Cumbayah,” Bush said, “but now all they seem to have to do to meet a benchmark is to slow down the number of killings a hair or two.” The original tougher benchmarks were part of the President’s new Iraq strategy announced last January in conjunction with his call for a US troop surge.

“Someone keeps moving the benchmarks,” said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow. "We think its either Al Queda, Al Gore or Al Franken," Snow continued, "but regardless of which Al it is, we need to stop this benchmark slippage if we are ever going to get democracy on the march in the Middle East.”

“Unfortunately,” said Vice President Dick Cheney from deep inside a bunker at an undisclosed location, “the benchmarks may be in their final throes.”