NEW STUDY: MINNESOTA BRIDGE COLLAPSE DUE TO GAYS

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - In a report that will be released tomorrow, the National Transportation and Safety Board has determined that the tragic I35W bridge collapse in Minneapolis was caused by too much gayness. "Contrary to speculations," said newly named NTSB Chairman Winston Faircloth, "there was not a failure of infrastructre but a failure of certain people to live a righteous life." Faircoth, who until last month was head of the Gadsten Alabama First Evangelical Churh of the Blood of a Righteous Christ until tapped by President Bush to head the NTSB, said, "our studies prove that the bridge fell due to the Gay Agenda which has taken over the whole Democratic party who are now more interested in passing laws about gay marriage than about fixing bridges."

The 300 page report mentioned that gays generally shun construction jobs and would rather style hair than fix bridges. The report also cited that ten percent of the traffic on the bridge were gays and that there was ten percent too much weight on the bridge which helped cause the collaplse.

"If those that have made the sinful lifestyle choice just stopped being gay," Faircloth concluded, "all Americans could once again feel secure that when they started to cross a bridge, they would get to the other side."