BUSH ADMINISTRATION CAUSES SHORTAGE OF WHOLE CLOTH

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - In an exclusive to the Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch, reliable sources have stated that there is now a shortage of whole cloth. "It's more like a whole cloth shortage crisis," said Mark Slade, of the Bethesda, Maryland based Fabic Study Insitute. "The lack of whole cloth has occurred becasue the Bush administation has had to spin so many stories out of it." "Just yesterday alone," said Slade, "Alberto Gonzales uses so much cloth in his testimony to Congress, that we may never be able to recover our supplies."

The shortage has espically hit hard in Corporate circles. "We are having trouble getting out annual statments out to our shareholders," said Tom Ward, CEO of Chesapeake Energy, "as we have practically nothing to spin it with.

In a related story, the Post-Time-Sun-Dispatch has learned that national talk show host Rush Limbaugh my soon be indited on illegal mill shopping to supply him with the large amount of whole cloth he needs each day for his radio program.

Some experts predict that globally we may see an extinction of whole cloth as early as March of next year. "The absolute danger of that," said Alfred Hack, of the Heritage Institute, "is that we will now be stuck with stories and reports that are true."