GONZALES REASSURES THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ABOUT NEW WIRETAPPING AUTHORITHY: DON'T WORRY, I WON'T REMEMBER WHAT I'LL OVERHEAR

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - In a move to try and calm fears that the new warrentless wiretapping that Congress has granted the Administration, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who will spearhead the new spying program, said that no American should worry about what Gonzales might learn from spying as he has a "serious memory problem." "I couldn't even remember why I fired those federal prosecutors," he said to reporters today, "so there is little chance I would recal anything I might hear when I listen in to anyone's phone call."

"He won't even remember who he has authorized us to spy on," said Vice President Dick Cheney, "so we will just have to spy on everyone to make sure we cover the person Alberto thought he had some suspicions about."