WILL CBS SURVIVE RACIST PROGRAMMING?
By R. J. Shulman

NEW YORK - In a bold and shocking move that has garnered sharp criticizm, CBS will be airing a new series of their popular show Survivor: Kook Islands, in which the teams will be made up of members of different races. “It’s more like the real world,” said host Jeff Probst, “just look at the cafeteria in any urban high school and groups hang out by race.”

Probst revealed that there will be four teams, one made up of fundamentalist Muslims, one of fundamentalist Christians, one of illegal immigrants and the fourth made up of white right wing talk show hosts. “This will prove once and for all the power of Allah,’ said Amir Al Shaleem of the Muslim group called Team Jihad. He was immediately shouted down by Team Crusade member Pat Robertson who said that God had talked to him and that his team would prove victorious. “Without Jesus,” Robertson said, “those non-believers don’t have a hell of a chance, except to go to hell, of course.”

The team of right wing talk show hosts, called the Middle Aged Conservative Anglo Cowardly A**holes or Team MACACA was to be headed up by Rush Limbaugh. However, Limbaugh was disqualified for sneaking oxycontin into camp. He was replaced by Bill O’Reilly who said, “I just can’t wait to harass one of the female contestants.”

The four teams will be dropped near a border, but will not be told which border it is. “It could be between Iraq and Iran, Israel and Lebanon or Mexico and the US,” said Probst. "and the team who crosses the border first with the least casualties will be the winner."

“I think we have the advantage,” said Ernesto Mondragon, of La Gente, the team of illegals, “as most of us have crossed the border before many times.” “I can’t wait,” said Lupe Suarez, of La Gente, “to see Team MACACA’s Pat Buchanan’s face when he sees our group coming right at him.”