RUSH LIMBAUGH HOOKED ON NEW DRUG, CANCELS RADIO SHOW
by R. J. Shulman

NEW YORK – The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch has learned that nationally syndicated radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh will leave the airwaves on Friday. Sources close to the talk show radio icon say that Limbaugh, who had been addicted to pain killer oxycontin, had recently become hooked on ibuprofen. “Ibuprofen is an anti-inflammatory,” said the source, “and with the vast amount of that drug he is taking, he can no longer inflame his listeners with lies, innuendoes and hate mongering.”

“Rush is so out of it on this drug,” said one his senior producers, “that he actually questioned a talking point handed to him by Karl Rove. He said, ‘isn’t this lie going to inflame the Republican right wing base?’”

“This is a shame,” said Fox commentator Sean Hannity, “Rush was the gold standard when it came to inflammatory remarks and hate-based speech guaranteed to get people so mad they would vote against their own best interests. He will be sorely missed.” Limbaugh will enter rehab at an undisclosed location.