FOX NEWS REPORTS SQUEEZE ON MIDDLE CLASS A HOAX
By R. J. Shulman

NEW YORK – In a broadcast to be aired tomorrow, the Fox News Network will say that the so-called squeeze on the middle class is a hoax. The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch has learned that Fox will offer proof that reports that rumors that Republicans are attacking the middle class is a vicious tactic used by the left to use fear to secure votes. “Using fear has always been a tactic of the liberals,” said radio show host Michael Savage on the report. “I would never stoop to such lows, not even when I continually warn Americans about the dangers of the liberal homosexual elite who are out to steal the minds of our young.”

In the report, Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) says that just because jobs have moved overseas and the tax breaks have gone to the rich does not mean there is a war on the middle class. “If the middle class stopped wasting their energy on whining and crying and started bribing us Senators instead, they might just get what they want.”

“They just want handouts like an increase in the minimum wage,” said Bill Frist (R-Tenn) on his way to the Senate floor to vote for yet another boost in benefits and pay for Senators. “Poor people are poor because they want to be,” said talk show host Bill O’Reilly, “besides those people refuse to take steps such as lying, cheating, fear mongering and molesting co-workers get to the top like I did.”

Rush Limbaugh agrees, “The middle class could be rich if they just controlled their impulses to buy things. Now where the hell is my maid with my oxycontin?”

When told that more people are falling into poverty under her son’s presidency than at any other time in recent history, Barbara Bush said, “those people will finally learn the value of a dollar so it is working out very well for them.” “I’m the decider,” said President Bush, “and I decided that we will institute a new program of faith based economics to help the economy of the American people to help them put food on their families.”

“Even if there were a problem about the middle class,” said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, “the war on poverty was Lyndon Johnson’s responsibility. These days, we have bigger war to fight.” When asked if he meant the war on terror, Snow said, “I mean the war on truth.”