BUSH FINALLY COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET
By R. J. Shulman

CRAWFORD, Texas - In an exclusive report, the Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch has learned that President Bush has finally come out of the closet. “He went in there three days ago to get a different pair of cowboy boots,” said his wife Laura, “and I was worried that he might not be able to find his way out.”

The Secret Service had already launched a full scale search for the President, when he suddenly emerged holding onto one chartreuse cowboy boot saying, “gracious, that was almost as hard finding my way out as that time with the paper bag.” His advisors immediately persuaded the President not to go back into the closet to find the matching boot and to let the experts find it for him.

The President gushed excitedly about the closet saying, "you’ll never guess who I met on my fabulous journey in there. I asked Karl Rove and Condi Rice if they wanted to come out, but they said they’d rather stay inside the closet.”

After the other boot was retrieved, the President left his ranch to attend a fund raiser in Killeen, Texas where he spoke about his plans to introduce a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.