JON BENET SUSPECT CONFESSES TO BEING THE 20TH HIJACKER
By R. J. Shulman

DENVER – The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch has learned that Jon Mark Karr who has confessed to killing child beauty queen Jon Benet Ramsay has also admitted to being the unnamed twentieth hijacker in the attack on September 11, 2001. “It took me longer than I had planned to plant evidence against Jon Benet’s parents,” said Karr, “that I missed my plane to get my instructions to fly a 747 into the New York Times building on that fateful day.” Authorities are investigating his story, although one White House source was quoted as saying that “wouldn’t have been too much of a loss had he succeeded.”

Mr. Karr also confessed to killing Natalee Holloway in Aruba, Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman in Brentwood, California and the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond.” “I hated that show,” Karr said. He also hinted that he will have some more confessions that he will reveal the next time the Bush Administration’s approval ratings dip to new lows or another court finds that President Bush has violated the Constitution. Speculation is that if the President is charged with war crimes, that on that very day, Karr will admit he was the one who molested boys at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. "At the right time," speculated an unnamed White House spokesperson, "he may be ready to admit that he was the source for the misinformation about Iraq's non-existant weapons of mass destruction."

“Some people have bad things to say about the Vice President,” Carr said, “but Cheney sure pays on time.”