SENATOR ALLEN: I WILL FIGHT HARD FOR THE MACACA VOTE
by R. J. Shulman

RICHMOND, Virginia – Claiming it was the liberal media who unfairly spun comments he made at a Breaks, Virginia campaign speech to make it seem that he was being racist and insensitive, Senator George Allen said he will do what it takes to regain the confidence of macaca voters. “All the liberals talked about in the media was how I mentioned that the macaca guy I pointed out had on a yellow shirt, implying that I think all macacas are yellow belly chicken types,” he told the Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch. “Those rag-heads are almost as brave as white people. Besides,” he added “they make fine servants. Just ask my mother who employed them when she lived in Tunisia. They are even classier than Mexicans because they speak French.”

“The biased media, controlled by Hollywood elite types,” Allen continued, “did not mention that I had said for all the wonderful white folks in the audience to welcome the macaca to America. Not all of them hate us for our freedom, you know.” The senator said he will now devote much of his campaign to attract the brown skinned voters back into his “campaign of meaningful positive American values.” “There is plenty of room for these voters in the large Republican tent,” he said, “as long as they enter from the back of the tent.”

In his bid for re-election, Allen asked long-time friend, George W. Bush for advice on how to attract the macaca vote. Bush, who has been successful in attracting Mexicans and other darker skinned voters told Allen, “Just look at that horde and say ‘you’re doing a heck of a job, Brownie.”

Polls have shown that Allen’s efforts are beginning to pay off as macaca support for the senator has already doubled from one to two percent. The poll, conducted by Fox News has an error margin of five percent.