GOP CRIES FOWL OVER OBAMA PARDONING A MUSLIM TURKEY

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Republicans are up in arms over the two turkeys named Honest and Abe that President Obama pardoned today at the White House. “It’s an outrage that Obama had the audacity to pardon a turkey whose real name was Ibrahim, obviously an Islamic bird,” said Senator Ted Cruz, “and I have it on good authority that this jihadist turkey snuck into the United States with Syrian refugee turkeys.”

“I would not be pardoning a terrorist turkey,” said Dr. Ben Carson, “I’d be doing some carving. Now, somebody hand me a knife.”  “How crazy is it,” said Donald Trump, “that this loser of a president pardoned a turkey that is directly related to those New Jersey Muslim turkeys that cheered on 9-11.” 

“What I want to know,” said Senator Marco Rubio, “is how Obama can justify sparing the life of a non-Christian foreign turkey when there are so many doomed American turkeys here at home.”  “It’s ironic that Obama would spare a turkey named Honest when his has been less than that about his Kenyan birth certificate,” said Carly Fiorina.

“Abe is not the turkey that I am concerned with,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin upon hearing that the two animals were spared, “and I can be assuring you that the Turkey I’m talking about will not be pardoned.”