PUTIN NEW GOP FRONT RUNNER FOR 2016 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – A new New York Times poll finds that Russian President Vladimir Putin is now leading the field of Republican hopefuls for the 2016 presidential election by a wide margin.  The poll shows Putin with 27% support, followed by Chris Christie at 11%, as the New Jersey Governor’s popularity has been falling about as fast as a block of concrete thrown off the George Washington Bridge.

“Putin is a real leader, while Obama is incapable to lead,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.  “Putin is so strong and capable that we Republicans would never be able to stand up to him with one of our filibusters, not that we would ever want to.”

“Putin’s soul is a leadership after my own heartbeat,” said former President George W. Bush.  “He knows that important strategery of pre-emptibly shock and awing and then invading a foreign country and taking the Chameleon Peninsula from the Yukon, like he did.”

“We need a man like Putin to return America back to God,” said Bryan Fischer, a leading Christian Evangelical, “After all, it was Putin who banned gays in Russia, declared the former atheist country a Christian nation and installed policies that make it very difficult for most Russian women to be able to afford contraceptive care.”

“I believe that Putin can overcome the obstacle of being accepted as an American President even thought he was not born in the USA,” said former Vice President Dick Cheney.  “The precedent of a foreign born President has already been established by that Kenyan and if there is still a question about it, Putin supporters have a 5-4 majority on the Supreme Court who love to decide who is President, and if that doesn’t work, than anyone opposed to a Putin presidency will be required to go hunting with me.”

It appears that the NRA will be supporting Putin.  NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told a crowd buying assault rifles at a gun show in Gunnison, Colorado that, “anyone whose name rhymes with shootin’ gets my vote.”

Putin welcomed the idea of moving his Presidential office and duties from Moscow to Washington.  “Communist, Schmomunist. You can be more efficient in the corruption in a capitalist system.”  When asked if he thought that he was qualified to be President of the United States, Putin replied, “but of course!  After all, I can see Sarah Palin from my house.”