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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

By R J Shulman

FAIRFAX, Virginia – (PTSD News Service) – In the wake of the Troutdale, Oregon school shooting in which a 15 year-old defeated the safety latch meant to secure his parent’s guns and used their weapons to kill another student and himself, NRA President James Porter said that if a parent is concerned his child may use a family gun for a bad purpose, the gun owner should jettison the kid and keep their guns.  “After all,” Porter said, “guns don’t kill people, children do.”

“The choice of whether to give up your guns or your children was decided long ago by our founding fathers,” said NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre. “The US Constitution protects guns, not children.”  LaPierre added, “the shooting in Oregon proves our point.  Whose fault was it? Was it the lawfully owned gun? Was it the lawful gun owner?  Or was it the out-of-control irresponsible boy who broke into his father’s gun cabinet and stole the gun?  Even the unfortunate student who got in the way of the bullet is more to blame than the gun or the gun owner,” LaPierre said.

Many gun owners agree.  “If it comes between my guns and my kids,” said Clete W. Moefuss of Crossville, Tennessee, “I ain’t lettin’ my kids get between me and my guns.”  Wilson Cranklin of Gunnison, Colorado said, “I rather be shooting off my guns than hearing an ungrateful child shooting off his mouth.”

Child welfare agencies are bracing for the inevitable influx of abandoned children of nervous gun owners.  “I used to think that the future of our country was our children,” said Nancy Young of the North Carolina Child Protective Services in Raleigh, “but I guess in reality, the future of our country is our guns.” 


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