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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – President Obama’s decision to trade five Taliban prisoners from Guantanamo for the release of American Prisoner of War Bowe Bergdahl has created a rift in the Republican Party on which theory they should use to show the American people just how shockingly wrong the President’s action was.

“At first, we were going to attack Obama on waiting so long to free an American soldier,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “after all, the Commander in Chief should know the age old American military policy not to leave any American in uniform behind and we thought it would be politically important to remind the American people that Obama had over five years to get Bergdahl safely home, but instead he wasted his time on telling our troops to stand down at Benghazi, telling the IRS to target conservatives, setting up death panels under Obamacare and directing goon squads to take guns away from law abiding citizens.”

But a second theory of Obama outrage has emerged that seems to be winning over GOP leaders.  This faction does not want to claim that Obama made the trade too late, but that he should not have made it at all.  “When it came to light that there may be flaws in Bergdahl’s character and that pictures of the five Taliban fighters looked exactly like central casting’s idea of the scariest kind of Muslim terrorist, it became more politically important to show that Obama’s sin was not a late trade, but a bad trade, just like $24 dollars in beads for the island of Manhattan,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner.

However, there is still disagreement between the Republican establishment, who want to attack Bergdahl as a deserter, traitor and malcontent, while Tea Party Republicans want to disparage Bergdahl by exposing that he believes in evolution and climate change.  “Worst of it all and the reason that Obama should have left Bergdahl behind in Afghanistan,” said Senator Ted Cruz, “is that Bergdahl voted for Obama.”

Senator John McCain had a slightly different take on the matter, saying his is outraged by Obama negotiating with the enemy.  “Except for trading some Viet Cong for me when I was a POW in North Viet Nam, we should never trade war prisoners for captured American soldiers.”

Darrell Issa, (R-Cal.), said that he is launching an investigative committee to determine whether making a bad trade is an impeachable offense. “”I think it is,” Issa said, “and even if it’s not, it should be.  Just ask those long suffering Red Sox fans about sending Babe Ruth to the Yankees.”


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