REPUBLICANS ON NEW CLIMATE CHANGE REPORT: SURE IT CHANGES - FOUR TIMES A YEAR

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) - Challenging the latest National Climate Assessment report that says climate change is already affecting America, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said “this report is a waste of taxpayer dollars as the yearly cycle of change in climate is as obvious as the orange nose on John Boehner’s face.”  He added that “the only temperature that is rising is mine after I read this phony report.”

“These greedy grant hungry scientists are trying to scare us with erroneous claims that the weather is changing,” said Texas Governor Rick Perry.  “Everyone knows there are four seasons, winter, spring summer and… uh-oh, I forget the other one.” 

“These reports are nothing more than an attempt to distract voters from the real issues of the day such as when Hillary Clinton ordered the terrorist attack on Benghazi, where Obama’s real Kenyan birth certificate is hidden, how we can combat Obamacare’s death panels, and just how Obama bribed lazy inner city welfare takers to vote for him by giving them all cell phones,” said Sarah Palin.

“Numbers are inherently left-wing godless tools that will take away your right to own a gun,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R- Tex), “and it is these very same communist atheistic numbers that these scientists have used in their biased anti-American reports.”

The GOP had planned to hold a convention in Boise to discuss the myth of climate change, but the meeting had to be postponed when the Idaho city was hit by a freak typhoon.  “We will continue our fight,” said Senator Rand Paul (R- KY) “to get the truth out about how there is no climate change until hell freezes over.”  Over ninety percent of the scientists say that could happen as early as 2047.