FOX NEWS REPORTS THAT OBAMA PARDONED AN ALL DARK MEAT RADICAL MUSLIM GAY TURKEY

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – For the first time, controversy surrounds the annual presidential pardon of a Thanksgiving turkey.  Fox News has just broken the story that Popcorn, the turkey that was pardoned by President Obama, is one that contains only dark meat and turns to the east before he gobbles. “There is undeniable evidence that Obama deliberately ignored pardoning a white meat Christian turkey for an unqualified minority turkey who has been known to pal around with Islamic terrorist turkeys and who has been making inappropriate advances toward other male turkeys,” said Neil Cavuto.  “Clearly, with his divisive choice, President Obama has given the American people the bird.”

“What is so bad about this is that Obama’s action is just like Neville Chamberlain appeasing Hitler before World War II.  I predict that this pardon is going to be Obama’s Willie Horton,” Cavuto said referring to the convicted murderer whose furlough release by Governor Dukakis probably doomed his presidential campaign.  What’s next?” Cavuto asked, “Is this president going to pardon all pigs, cows, squirrels and everything else we get meat from.  There is no doubt Obama is trying to turn us all into vegetarian communists.” 

Fox is also reporting that hundreds of Americans have had their Butterball turkey orders cancelled right before the holiday.  “These new and horrific cancellations are clearly another broken promise of Obamacare,” Cavuto said.    

When the House convenes again, Republicans have promised a full scale investigation.  “Turkeygate is going to be the last straw,” Darrell Issa (R-Cal) said.