SECRET GOP OBAMACARE STRATEGY MEETING CONTENTS REVEALED

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – The Post Times Sun Dispatch presents an exclusive transcript of a secret Republican meeting to strategize the talking points that will be sent out to the media about the Affordable Care Act.  The names of the speakers have been deleted to protect the guilty.

“I think we can all agree that the computer glitches that have hampered the rollout of the Obamacare website is the greatest thing to happen to the GOP since George W won his second term.”

“Actually, it is the best thing for us Republicans since Reagan.”

“No.  The greatest thing since Ike.”

“I bet to differ.  It’s the best thing for Republicans since Abraham Lincoln.”

“No.  The best thing since Abraham didn’t kill Isaac.”

“Let’s be united here. I believe that we can all agree that these glitches are good for us.  So on to the next order of business.  We should depict the Obamacare rollout as the worst thing since the market melted down in 2008.”

“No.  Let’s say it’s the worst thing since Katrina.”

“Worse.  It’s the worst thing to happen to America since the designated hitter rule in baseball.”

“Wrong.  These glitches are the worst thing since 9-11.”

“No.  We should say they are the worst thing since Vietnam.”

“No. Worst thing since Pearl Harbor.”

“No.  Worst since Attila the Hun.”

“Wait. I’ve got it.  Obamacare is the worst thing to happen since the great flood and Noah’s ark.”

“Worse than that.  Obamacare is the worst thing to happen to the planet since an asteroid hit earth and the dinosaurs went extinct millions of years ago.”

“That was only six thousand years ago.”

“The truth is that the glitches in the Obamacare website are the worst thing since the glitches in the website for George W. Bush’s Medicare Part D website rollout in 2006.”

“What traitor just said that?”

“He must be a Democrat.”

“No. Must be a Communist.”

“I think a Nazi.”

“No.  The only person who could say something like that has to be a gay Al Qaeda Nazi Communist Democrat Socialist Gun Grabbing atheist pot-smoking vegetarian.”

“No.  I am a Republican and what I said is the truth.”

“Don’t you know that the greatest enemy of today’s Republican party is the truth?  Now, just who in the blazes are you?”

“Bob Dole.”