WAL-MART TO COMBAT WAR ON CHRISTMAS BY STARTING CHRISTMAS SALES ON NOVEMBER 11

by R J Shulman

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas – (PTSD News Service) – In a bold move, Wal-Mart announced that they will start their Christmas holiday season for the first time before Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving by starting with a big bang on Veterans Day instead.  “We know that the evil non-believers who hate Christians have already girded their loins for their battle against Xmas,” said CEO Mike Duke, “so we want to be ready to smite the liberals and other atheists before they can fire the first cannonball at the baby Jesus.”

“This is the time of the year when all true Americans come together to celebrate the birth of our Holy Savior and the righteous and dedicated staff of Wal-Mart have pledged to work an extra 37.5 hours a week for no overtime or even extra pay or with any breaks because they know how important it is to make sacrifices to keep the heretics for winning the War on Christmas,” Duke said. 

“I am so thrilled to hear what these committed Wal-Mart workers are going to do to be victorious in the War on Christmas instead of complaining about low wages and bad working conditions,” said talk show host Bill O’Reilly, “their willingness to roll up their sleeves and put in their all is the future model of what the American worker should look like.”