TEA PARTY THREATENS TO KIDNAP PRESIDENT’S FAMILY UNLESS HE DELAYS OBAMACARE

WASHINGTON – (PTSD – News Service – Satire) – After failing to get President Obama to negotiate with them after shutting down the Federal government and threatening to let the US default on its debt, Tea Party leaders have announced they will take the President’s family hostage unless he capitulates to their demands.

“Apparently this President doesn’t care a whiff about United States as he is causing it to shut down and lose its credit standing,” said Wylie Williamson, a Tea Party spokesman, “so we need to do something that will hit closer to home.  If his family disappears, the president will only have himself to blame.”

“I don’t think Obama wants to be the only US president in history who refuses to negotiate with the other party when there is a threat against his family,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner.

Senator Ted Cruz said, “If this President fails to be reasonable and not repeal Obamacare and make deep cuts to entitlements and cut taxes on successful job creators and eliminate government regulations on business after his family has been moved to an undisclosed location, then we might have to threaten to drop an atomic bomb on his birthplace in Kenya.”

A Quinnipiac University poll shows that a slight majority, 52% believe that kidnapping the president’s family is not the best way to achieve bipartisanship, while a huge majority, 83% of Americans would be opposed to ABC Television cutting away from Dancing with the Stars to report on any story about the president’s family being kidnapped.