MITT ROMNEY TO BUY DETROIT FOR THE PARTS
by R J Shulman

DETROIT - (PTSD News Service) - Kevyn Orr, the City of Detroit's Emergency Manager says that he has found a solution to the pending bankruptcy of the beleaguered city as he has found a buyer in the likes of the former standard bearer of the Republican Party, Mitt Romney. "While I was about to lose my mind trying to figure out how to unload the pile of rusty junk that is Detroit," Orr said, "along comes Mitt Romney to the rescue.

"When I came to look at Detroit," Romney said, "I realized the trees were the right height, the building were just right and the streets looked just right, just right for me to make an offer."   "At first I was worried when Mitt was telling me all about how excited he was about coming home to buy his roots," said Anne Romney, "but then I realized he was right, it was Mitt's turn to own a big city."

Romney said he will be selling copper from the buildings and street lights and used rebar from buildings and bridges at such a profit that "Americans will be sorry they didn't vote me in to the White House because I could have done this to the entire country which surely would have cut the deficit in half."

Romney plans to sell the city's library books to Europe, "where the folks still read."  He said he will "sell scores of unemployed auto workers to China where they will be needed to run the car assembly plants I just sold them."

Romney told the Post Times Sun Dispatch that he plans to keep 50 acres of lake front property for a new summer home his is planning to build.  "And unlike my home in California where I simply have a car elevator, here I will keep one car assembly plant on hand so I can have a car built for me or the little woman whenever we want a new one."