KOCH BROTHERS MAKE PLANS FOR ENTERING HEAVEN BY INVENTING NEEDLE WITH HUGE EYE

by R J Shulman

WICHITA, KS – (PTSD News Service) – Perhaps fearing that their time on earth is getting short, Charles, 77 and David Koch, 73, have spent millions of dollars on developing a new needle with an eye so large, “a camel could waltz right through it.”  “We are good Christians,” said Charles, “so we take Matthew 19:24 seriously where Jesus said it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, then for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.  So rather than take a chance of whether or not we could bribe St. Peter at the pearly gate, we decided to make it so easy for a camel to pass through a needle’s eye, so we’d have a better than a chance in hell to get into heaven.”

“At first, we tried to breed a tiny camel, but while we got a camel the size of a rat, we just couldn’t get over the hump of getting it any smaller,” David said, “so we opted for developing a needle with a giant eye.”

The Koch Brothers will unveil their new miracle needle at a Koch Industries meeting in August at which the Kochs will also unveil their well funded plans on how to convince the little people out there that having their drinking water completely contaminated by Koch Industries fracking practices is no big deal.