CONGRESS INCREASES ITS SALARY AND BONUSES TO INSPIRE YOUNG AMERICANS TO RUN FOR OFFICE

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – In its first piece of bipartisan legislation in over four years, the United States Congress has voted to raise their own salaries by 85%, increase their pension by 71%, eliminate all co-pays for their health care plan and add a generous package of perks, long vacations, free massages and endless get out of jail free cards.

“With these new positive benefits, we want to inspire the youth of today to want to serve their country by getting themselves elected to the House or the Senate,” said House Speaker John Boehner, “I’d like to go into more detail, but my new vacation starts now.”

“I finally found something that I could really stand up for,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid D-Nev, “And it was quite refreshing not to face a filibuster.”  In fact the bill had little resistance in either chamber.  The bill, called the American Youth Inspiration Act received broad support from both Republicans and Democrats.

Not all agreed it was a good idea.  Bernie Sanders I-VT strongly objected saying, “It is unfair, in fact quite outrageous for Congress to grant itself the very benefits it has been taking away or denying to ordinary American workers.”  Sanders comment was greeted angrily by Senator John McCain, R-Ariz who said, “will somebody get this communist to shut up?”   Senator John Cornyn R-Tex then asked, “is Vermont really a state?”  Mary Landrieu D-Lou echoed Cornyn’s comment by inquiring, “why should a stop on the Monopoly board get a senator?”  Senator Rob Portman R-Ohio said, “Vermont, Shermont.  There are still more people on line this very moment at a precinct in a poor neighborhood of Cleveland waiting to cast their vote for Obama in the 2012 election than there are people in the entire state of Vermont.”

President Obama has threatened to sign the bill when it gets to his desk.  “If you think Congress has been unwilling to work with me for the past four years, you ain’t seen nothing yet in the uncooperative department if I were to veto their raises,” the president explained.