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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Friday, May 03, 2013


By R J Shulman

WICHITA, Kansas – (PTSD News Service) – David Koch, co-owner and executive vice president of Koch Industries said today that he is concerned that the recent explosion at a West, Texas fertilizer plant that killed fifteen, injured hundreds and flattened the surrounding area will “cause a knee-jerk reaction call for more government regulations of industry.  “Everybody knows that private industry doesn’t kill people, people do,” he said. “Irresponsible employees’ mistakes are to blame and the last things that are needed in America are new job killing health and safety regulations.  But I am afraid,” he continued,” that just like what happened in Newtown, Connecticut caused a lynch mob against guns and responsible gun owners, the incident in West, Texas will spark a similar out of control rabble attack against responsible factory owners and successful operators of mines.”

“Actually we need less government interference and not more of it to keep us safe,” said House Majority Leader John Boehner. “There would be a lot more jobs at factories like the one in West, Texas if liberals and socialists such as Obama have not consistently attacked capitalism and tied everyone’s hands with business strangling regulations.  If companies were not bogged down with so much useless paperwork demanded by an out of control government, they could spend more time preventing the very types of explosions that occurred at that fertilizer plant.  It is as if Obama himself set off that blast.”  When the House of Representative gets back from vacation, it will start an investigation into why Obama should not be impeached for the explosion that rocked the small Texas town.

Radio talk show host Alex Jones agrees that the government is to blame for the tragedy in Texas. “We have video tape that shows it was the FBI, with direct supervision by the Obama administration that set off the explosions in West, Texas and that they used left over explosives from when the government blew up the Twin Towers on 9/11.  Tell me this,” Jones said, “if it was fertilizer that blew that plant and half that poor village to pieces, wouldn’t the town be smelling to high heaven?  No it is not.  What really stinks here is the governmental conspiracy of a sitting president who wants to make the home state of his predecessor look bad.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said that any attempts at adding more health and safety laws would be met with a filibuster. “We don’t need any new laws that will infringe on the rights of successful business owners and mine operators.  Besides no law could possibly stop all accidents that may happen on the job caused by careless employees.”

“And don’t be trying to tie in the factory collapse in Bangladesh into this workplace health and safety hysteria,” Koch said. “Americans should direct their focus on the money they have saved on shirts they buy at Walmart and not on some nameless four hundred people in a far away land who chose not to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior before they died.  So they didn’t get to heaven.  How is that business’ fault?” 


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