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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service)  - The count is in and it is official, last month’s Gun Appreciation Day saw only 22 gun murders nationwide, less than the usual average 30 per day and a mere 38 gun owners shot themselves to death, significantly down from the normal 53 per day.  However, if you are kicking yourself because you did not fully appreciate gun appreciation day, you may live to appreciate another day.  In fact, the following nationally recognized days coming in the next few months could be just for you:

·         March 1st – Knife Appreciation Day
·         March 18th – Fist Admiration Day
·         April 3rd – Bat and Tire Iron Appreciation Day
·         May 4th - Grenade Gratitude Day
·         June 13th – Blunt Instrument Thankfulness Day
·         July 9th – Push Someone Down the Stairs Day

The organizers of Kindness Appreciation Day, National Day of Forgiveness, and Love Thy Neighbor Day have admitted defeat in their efforts to raise their causes to a national day of celebration.   “No matter how much we tried, we could not get any traction with the American people to celebrate kindness, forgiveness or love,” said Heather Church an organizer for several causes including National People Appreciation Day, which also failed to take hold.  “I guess these ideas involve feelings that Americans find too French or too gay.”

In a related story, this year’s Earth Day celebrations have been canceled due to inclement weather.  The Farmers’ Almanac has predicted that on April 22nd, there will be a super storm hitting the Northeast, record high temperatures in the Southwest, tornadoes in the Midwest, earthquakes in Pennsylvania, a tsunami in Hawaii, a hurricane in Kansas and severe bigotry in the South. 


Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:05 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm so glad to know that Americans are finding great reasons to celebrate!

-- Geno

1:06 AM  
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