UNEMPLOYMENT JUMPS TO 9.7% AS ROMNEY FIRES ENTIRE STAFF; FOX NEWS LETS GO OF ALL EMPLOYEES WHO REPORTED OBAMA WON

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Unemployment in the US bounded up from 7.9% to 9.7% in the wake of massive firings by Mitt Romney and Fox News.  “Apparently, we were infiltrated by Obama operatives who falsely announced that the Muslim had won,” said Fox News President Roger Ailes, “so we quickly identified and fired all of these spies, from the statistics guy who called Ohio for Obama to every last person who announced or even believed that Romney lost.  In fact, the only person not fired, was Karl Rove, who we are now building a news department around.”

The biggest reason for the increase in the unemployment rate, however was Mitt Romney, who fired everyone in sight, including his son, Tag.  “He was a paragon of efficiency when he dished out the pink slips,” said Ann Romney, “and thanks to all of the mass firings, which Mitt handled personally, he was at least able to enjoy something out of this election.”

The Obama administration immediately took steps to counter the huge rise in the unemployment rate by hiring thousands of recently fired Fox and Romney employees to begin the daunting task of trying to fix the broken Florida election system.