by R J Shulman
MONTGOMERY, Alabama – (PTSD News Service) – Stating that their state schools have taken enough abuse from liberals, communists and Muslim presidents, the Alabama Department of Education announced that beginning Fall 2013, current math and science courses will be replaced with courses that are “faith based.” “The problem with society today is that we have allowed the forces of Satan to pervert the true teaching of math and science to our children,” said Alabama Secretary of Education Enoch Wiggins, “The time has come for us to take back our education system by prescribing courses that teach numbers and scientific ideas that are based upon the Bible.”
“For example,” Wiggins said, “if the Bible says that the earth is six thousand years old, then reports of carbon date testing must also indicate that the earth is six thousand years old.” “There will be a slight initial cost to replace all of our math and science books,” said Ann Pitcher, Alabama Deputy Secretary of Education, “but thanks to a forward thinking book publisher in Texas, they already have sets of textbooks that teach our students how to have faith in math and science that has faith in the Holy Bible.”
“We have long been reporting that facts and numbers have a liberal bias,” said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News, “and we are pleased to see what an advanced step Alabama is making toward teaching our young people how to counter the onslaught of left-leaning math and science that socialists have forced on public schools.”
The Alabama Department of Education announced they have also authorized a two-minute moment of silence to thank the One who created math and science. Department lawyers believe this prayer to the Father of math and science should not violate the “unfortunate activist Supreme Court’s rulings that have taken God and prayer out of public schools.” “We will instruct our schools to provide the two-minutes of silence, right after each child, who has brought his or her Second Amendment protected firearm to class, has completed their weapons check,” Pitcher said.