AFTER MAJOR SOUL SEARCHING, GOP BLAMES ROMNEY LOSS ON OBAMA FOR GETTING MORE VOTES

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Republican leaders, after carefully analyzing Romney’s defeat in the November election have concluded that Mitt Romney’s path to the presidency was thwarted because Barack Obama got more votes.  “Mitt would have easily taken his rightful turn as our nation’s leader,” said National GOP Chairman Rince Priebus, “but Obama had the audacity to politicize the election.”

The GOP concluded that contrary to knee-jerk reports by the liberal media, Romney’s loss was not attributable to the possibility that Romney didn’t appeal enough to middle class voters, may have alienated women and Latinos, said he didn’t care about 47% of the American public, appeared to be an out of touch elitist, looked like he may have a clue about foreign policy, possessed a startlingly unappealing personality and had changed positions more often than an overbooked hooker on a Saturday night.  “Liberals want to convince the American people that there was something wrong with Romney or the Republican message, when the fault of Romney’s defeat was clearly Obama’s for running up a greater vote total, just like he has run up the deficit,” Priebus said.

“We knew that not only the economy, but everything that was wrong in America and the world was clearly Obama’s fault,” Priebus concluded, “but we have to admit that we missed the possibility that Obama could cause Romney to lose by Obama getting more votes than Mitt.”  “The good news coming out of our study of this defeat,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “is that we, as Republicans, don’t have to change any of our positions on anything because, in 2016, there is no way Obama can get more votes than our candidate.”