INSURANCE COMPANY PROFITS DOWN; BLAME RISE IN ENTITLEMENT PAYOUTS

By R J Shulman

HARTFORD, Connecticut – The American Insurance Association has reported a steady fall in insurance company profits over the last two decades and has issued a report that pinpoints the problem as the entitlement mentality that has swept across the country in which people have come to believe that big government and big insurance should take care of them rather than they take care of themselves.  “We have lost that great trait of American Exceptionalism that when things happen that knock you down, like losing a job or getting too old to work or a flood, tornado or injury accident, that you pull yourself up by your bootstraps rather than look to the government or an insurance company to bail you out,” said Walter P. Chisholm, CEO or Aetna Insurance.

 “Government entitlements such as Social Security are to blame,” echoed Stetson W. Hansberger, CEO of AIG Insurance Group. “People expect that payments that may have been promised to them when they paid into Social Security will always be there, regardless of changes in the market forces or demographics,” Hansberger said, “so naturally it got them thinking that they would receive the financial coverage from insurance companies that they were promised when they paid their premiums without understanding that such continued high payouts could hurt insurance company profits due to changes in market forces such as housing crises, worthless investments, too many major storms or just plain bad luck.”

“We don’t have a premium problem, as raising premiums would be like a tax increase” said Wayne C. Cynthiana, President of State Farm Insurance, “what we have is clearly a spending problem, and until we get these pay outs under control, we will have hell to pay.”

The report also noted that while it has become fashionable and politically correct to blame the increase in damage from super storms such as Katrina and Sandy on the increase in global carbon emissions, it is clear these severe weather patterns are caused by God’s displeasure with the gay lifestyle that is running amok in America.  “It is patently unfair for the insurance companies to be forced to pay for the damages caused by the immoral acts committed by those who choose to engage in homosexual behavior,” the report said.

The insurance companies have asked Representative Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) to prepare a new insurance industry budget that will reduce insurance payouts by up to 18% over the next decade.  “We feel that Ryan gets it,” Chisholm said, “He knows that if America and the insurance industry are to remain strong, we must end the nanny state mentality of hand outs and entitlements and get back to the business of each of us taking care of our own business and not expecting big government and big insurance to bail us out.”