WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH JESUS?

by R J Shulman

SANTA FE, New Mexico – (PTSD News Service) – As I leaf through the pages of the Bible, I have become quite concerned with the reports I have been reading about Jesus.  Here are some of the things that I am bothered with and you should be, too.

First, I am disturbed by hearing that Jesus turned the other cheek when attacked.  A real man would be holding his weapon and standing his ground.  

Next, his actions to help the poor seemed wildly misplaced.  Doesn’t he know that hand-outs to those who have chosen to be poor only encourages them to be lazy and not try and find work?

Next it seems like he has attacked the money changers and thrown them out in the street.  Why did he attack the successful job creators?  Was he jealous of their success?  This is certainly anti-capitalistic behavior at best.

And why was he trying to heal the sick for free?  This is worse than Obamacare.  Instead of creating a society of people becoming dependent upon free benefits, he should tell them all to take responsibility for themselves and buy their own health insurance.

And what about all his talk of peace?  That is the same kind of appeasement that got Neville Chamberlain in trouble when he was dealing with the Nazis.  Everybody knows that you can’t show your enemies weakness by threatening them with peace rather than war.

I also have to take issue with his turning water into wine when he could have just as easily turned water into beer.  Wine is just too French and gay.

And what is with the sandals when he could be wearing manly footwear like cowboy boots?  It brings up the gay issue again.

And why is he hanging out with a hooker when there isn’t even a political convention in town?

And what is up with his brown skin and beard?  Jesus is the son of God and God was made in my image, I mean we are made in God’s image, so why would his son look like a terrorist Arab?

And can you believe that he wants to forgive his enemies when he should be bombing them?  For the love of Christ, how wrong can one man be?

And claiming he is Jewish? Doesn’t he know that those people just want to steal money and Christian babies?  Jesus H. Christ, if Jesus is not a Christian, then for Christ’s sake, who is?

So would somebody please tell me, what the hell is wrong with Jesus?”