CONTRACT EMPLOYEE EXPOSES NUCLEAR SECRETS TO IRAN

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Hot on the heels of rouge contractor Edward Snowden revealing the US Government’s secret data gathering on American citizens, another employee of defense contractor, Booz Allen has just announced that he has done the same.   Goober Billy Scrubbs announced that he released sensitive information regarding US Nuclear installations, plans and codes “to let the American people know just what their government was up to,” he said.  “As y’all know, all of this being a hero stuff can be dangerous, so I released the information where the tyrannical American government cannot lock me up, and that would be where I am now, Teheran, Iran.”

When questioned about Scrubbs, Wilma Johnston, a spokesperson for Booz Allen said, “he had only worked for us for about a week , so there was no way we could have known he would do something like this, which is against our company policy, which is posted right there in the lunch room area.”

Scrubbs, a middle school dropout, who claimed he made $30,000 a year (Booz Allen says it was more like $12,000), who the company had granted top security clearance said at his Iranian press conference, “there just ain’t enough whistleblowers who are willing to tell the American people just what their government is hiding from them, and besides my boss at Booz yelled at me a lot and then I found out I was making less than my cousin, Jimmie Lee Beans does, at the Walmart in Hazard, Kentucky, you know, down there on the Daniel Boone Parkway.”

House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Cal), said he is outraged and will convene a House investigation of just why President Obama forced Booz Allen to hire Scrubbs and to find out if this newest leak is related to the scandal in Benghazi, the IRS targeting Tea Party groups or is part of Obama’s birth certificate cover-up.  “If the President and the government just allowed the private sector, in this case Booz Allen to do their job without job killing regulation and oversight, this never would have happened,” Issa said.

In a related story, another major government contractor, Newman-Chardine, said that it had met its first quarter earnings by selling banking and investment account passwords it had extracted from millions of Americans pursuant to a no-bid government contract that was part of US Government activity under the Patriot Act.  “While I can’t say whether selling this information to Mexican drug cartels and certain interests in Nigeria actually broke the law,” said Clawton Frenworth, Newman-Chardine CEO, “I can guarantee you two things - I will be getting my bonus this year, and the worst that can happen to Newman-Chardine is that we could get a $100 fine.”