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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Monday, July 15, 2013

by R J Shulman

TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (PTSD News Service) – To avoid further confusion caused in the Treyvon Martin trial, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has issued new regulations regarding hunting male African Americans.

The Hunting Regulations Handbook has been changed with the addition of the following:

1.      1.     Qualifications required for hunting male African Americans:
a.       A hunter does not need any license from the state of Florida, the only qualification is that the hunter cannot be an African American.
b.      The hunter must have hatred, fear or both of male African Americans.
c.       The hunter must have a gun and a permit (see e-z drive through process)
d.      The hunter should disguise himself as a figure of authority such as a security guard, night watchman or neighborhood watch volunteer.  The former requirement of being a police officer is no longer required.
e.       It is recommended that the hunter should stalk his game at night.  If the hunter spots a male African American, he can assume the male African American is acting suspiciously because he must have just broken into a house, stolen fried chicken from a KFC, raped a woman, or played an illegal game of basketball or is about to do one of those things.
f.       Call legitimate law enforcement to report the suspicious male African American so the hunter can have back up if something goes wrong
g.      If law enforcement tell the hunter to stay in his car, that means the hunter is free to get out and stalk the male African American
h.      Due to over four hundred years of male African Americans being skittish (not to be confused with Skittles) due to being hated, hunted, enslaved, disregarded and disenfranchised, he will either run or be combative.
                                                              i.      If he runs, that proves guilt and the hunter is authorized to shoot to kill
                                                            ii.      If he stays and confronts the hunter, the hunter should pick a fight and if and when the male African American tries to defend himself and the hunter feels any of his fear or hatred as described in 1(b), the hunter should shoot the male African American in self defense.  Remember, despite pressure from affirmative action advocates and other anti-Americans, the special right of self defense has not been has not been handed out to the male African Americans like food stamps, so he can’t use that to defend himself if he should injure the hunter.
i.        Make sure the male African American is dead so he cannot confuse law enforcement or a possible jury with a story that differs from the one the hunter may need to use later
2.      2.  If  by some chance a mob of liberals or African Americans with undue pressure force the district attorney to file charges against the hunger:
a.       The hunter will receive hundreds of thousands of dollars in support for a defense fund from fellow non-African American Americans
b.      The hunter will receive celebrity status and become a regular guest on conservative talk shows such as Sean Hannity
c.       The hunter will receive a world-class defense from top-notch attorneys who are looking for national exposure who will change the focus from the hunters actions to the natural criminal tendencies of the dead male African American
d.      The hunter gets to keep his gun


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