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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

by R J Shulman

WEEHAWKEN, New Jersey – (PTSD News Service) – President Obama broke away from his usual calm demeanor yesterday after a woman, 39 year-old Selma Wiggins complained to him that her $15 a month insurance plan had been cancelled.  The president then asked her what her plan had covered and she said she didn’t know, but that she was very upset that his lying about health care was killing her family.  At that point the president screamed in frustration and began the following tirade:

“So you are angry at me because you want to keep your junk policy that covers your ass about as well as a skimpy hospital gown.  Forget that I have spent the last five years and my whole political career trying to get morons like you covered by a decent health care plan because now you will get to keep your rip off policy.  See if I care if you and your little brats get cancer because from all of the pollution you voted for when you sent the conservative Tea Party imbecile to congress who wants to defund the EPA.  See if I give a sh*t when you end up in a coma in the emergency room from an infected hangnail because your bullsh*t plan doesn’t cover doctor’s visits and it bankrupts your ass. And further, to all you ignorant f*ucks in rural areas in the Midwest and South that are hit by tornadoes that flatten your asses you better forget about asking for federal aid to fix up your sh*t because, guess what? You didn’t vote for me.  Go ask Romney for help.  You voted for that sociopath.  He has lots of money that he stole off you dumb asses when his company shipped your jobs to China.  And all you cracker ass, KKK, red state racist bastards - there will be no more federal aid to shore up your failing schools and rotting roads, so see how it works out for you when you try to get your little bastards to your falling down schools over cracks and potholes so they can learn all about creationism, abstinence only and that Reagan was God’s second son.  And don’t complain about the next mega storm that f*ucks up your sh*t because you voted in some climate change denying, science hating, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging Tea Party dirt bag who can’t wait to deregulate the big polluters to further f*ck up the planet.  And you can also forget about your social security, Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps.   You said you want the government out of your lives, so I will grant you your wish.  Consider your asses as just having been cut off.   See how well you dumb f*ucks do with your less than minimum wage jobs you get for voting in those conservative Tea Party batsh*t crazy maggot-brained ass clowns who think that a minimum wage is communistic.  I suggest that you end everybody’s misery by shoving one of your guns up your ass and blowing your brains out because the Lord knows that’s the end of your body he put them in, you hate filled, fearful Fox News watching, ass hat cretin throw-backs.   So go ahead and secede from the Union and see what a state full of impotent angry white men who have more bibles and guns than brains or jobs get you.  You motherf*cking rednecks are so dumb that even Jesus can’t save you from yourselves.  And since you like to have things for whites only, I have programmed my drones to crash upside the heads of you white motherf*ckers and when I run out of drones I will nuke the rest of you racist white supremacist cousin marrying sheep f*cking pud pulling Neanderthals.

Obama then took a deep breath and said to Wiggins, “So in other words, Ms., I am saying that I have agreed to allow you to keep your current policy for one year as long as your insurance company is clear on what is not covered on your policy.  Wiggins then replied, “How did you know I have an infected hangnail.  Have you been spying on me?”

The president’s handlers pulled him away before he could answer, although it could be heard that he said something about a probe being shoved up an ignorant white ass. 


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