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Thursday, January 09, 2014
by R J Shulman
TRENTON, New Jersey – (PTSD News Service) – At a press conference that lasted two hours, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie denied allegations that he had anything to do with a politically orchestrated traffic jam that occurred at the busiest bridge in America last September. “I didn’t know nothing, about nothing,” Christie said. “All I know is that this whole problem was caused by people panicking over losing their health insurance under Obamacare which made them flock to the entrance to the George Washington Bridge in record numbers. Who could have known this would happen?”
Christie claimed that the press is coming after him because he is a large target as the frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination in 2016. “The traffic jam in Fort Lee was nothing compared to the traffic jam at the Obamacare website, yet all the press wants to do is to dis Christie.”
In light of Christie’s comments, House Speaker John Boehner scrapped all plans to introduce bill about jobs or extending unemployment insurance to instead call for the 48th vote to repeal the Affordable Care Act. “We must overturn Obamacare before every American highway is ground to a screeching halt by this terrible bill,” Boehner said.
Representative Darrell Issa, (R-Cal) had a different take on the cause of the monster jam at the entrance to the bridge that connects New Jersey and New York City. “It is obvious that Hillary Clinton deliberately caused this traffic jam to distract attention away from her cover-up of the Benghazi scandal.” Issa said, “so, I am opening up the tenth full-scale investigation of this massive scandal.”
The “Bridge Gate” scandal of the New Jersey traffic jam erupted yesterday when it came to light that several top aides to Governor Christie had exchanged emails that seemed to indicate that they directed a deliberate closure of lane to the George Washington Bridge that caused the four day traffic snarl. Governor Christie announced that he has fired Bridget Ann Kelly, Christie’s deputy chief of staff who sent one of the emails and had harsh words for former friend David Wildstein, the recently resigned Christie appointee to the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey which controls the traffic between northern New Jersey and New York City.
In a possibly related story, Kelly and Wildstein have been reported missing. Christie told reporters that they are making a big deal about this new development and that they should put this whole issue behind them, although he claimed he was unaware of a new set of emails from his remaining senior staff that contained the phrases, “they will soon be swimming with the fishes,” “make them an offer they can’t refuse,” and “tell them to make sure they say hello to Jimmy Hoffa.”