TEXAS SCHOOL TEXTBOOK REVISORY GROUP TO TACKLE A RE-DO OF THE BIBLE

by R J Shulman

RED BLUFF, Texas – After successfully, removing the likes of Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Delano Roosevelt from school textbooks and replacing them with patriotic American conservatives such as Jefferson Davis, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin, Write Them Right, the advisory group responsible for making these text changes has announced that their next project – removing the liberal bias of the Holy Bible.  “Now that our school books will no longer propagandize the tender minds of our young ones with the liberal propaganda that labor unions, Darwin, John Lennon and Groucho Marx were heroes instead of the American hating marxist communists that they were,” said Write Them Right chairperson Arlene Fleming, “it’s time to set the Bible on a righteous path.”  

Fleming said that all references to Jesus helping the poor will be eliminated or changed.  “For example, what the Son of God really said was that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a poor man to get to heaven and that it was the supporters of the redistributors of wealth who Jesus threw out of the temple and not the money changers.”

Write Them Right said that some books of the bible are so riddled with lies about God and His Son that they will be completely removed and that other books, long suppressed by liberals, will be returned to their rightful place in the Good Book.  “For example, the Book of Cletus will be restored, a book in which Jesus clearly condemns gays, liberals, abortion doctors and community organizers,” said Bobby Lee Bobbey, Chief Editor of Write Them Right.  Other books returned to the Bible text will be the Book of Rush, the Book of Earnhardt, and the Book of Smith and Wesson. 

“We expect to have the New American Bible ready for release the day after Thanksgiving,” Bobbey said, “just in time to aid our brave and good Christian Soldiers in their fight to defend the baby Jesus from the War on Christmas.”