GINGRICH UNVEILS HIS PLAN TO BOOST THE ECONOMY WITH CHILD LABOR

by R J Shulman

CONDESCENDING CIRCLE, Georgia – (PTSD News Service) – GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich announced his plan to stimulate the economy if he were elected president.  “Since it is still too politically incorrect to bring back slavery, which as we historians know was a successful way to create a booming economy,” Gingrich said, “we can use labor of young people instead of wasting time and money in failed attempts to educate them or further wasting taxpayer  money on frivolous programs such as midnight basketball.”

Gingrich outlined his plan by saying, “we know that for every two union jobs in this country, there is one child waiting to do those two jobs.  Besides using children as janitors to patch roofs and maintain boilers, they can find gainful employment cleaning nuclear plants, as fishermen like the ones on Deadliest Catch, loggers, airline pilots, coal miners, sanitation workers, industrial machine repairmen, and those guys who defuse bombs.  This will help the all important employer job creators who keep the economy going, as they will no longer have to pay exorbitant wages to lazy union workers.”

Gingrich noted that while some of these jobs may be dangerous, this experience will prepare these youngsters for the military, “in case we find that more American oil happens to be under the land of ruthless dictators, like we did regarding Saddam Hussein and Moammar Gadhafi.”