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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

by R J Shulman

BEAST OF BURDEN, Georgia – (PTSD News Service) – Not only has Newt Gingrich not backed down from his controversial immigration plan, but he has doubled down by explaining it further.  “My immigration plan takes neither the Democrat extreme of amnesty or the shoot-‘em-on sight approach of some of my Republican colleagues,” Gingrich said to a bonfire gathering of the Sons of the South Brotherhood, “but rather takes the middle ground that those people are legally in the United States while they are on the job and illegal when they are not.  This will encourage them to work for as long as possible.”

Gingrich explained that there is one exception to being protected when they are actually working.  “If while on the job, Jose or Lupe asks for higher wages, unscheduled bathroom breaks or safe working conditions they automatically become illegal,” Gingrich said, “and it goes without saying that if one of them gets sick or tries to send one of their kids to school they become illegal and are not eligible for those kind of benefits.” 

“As a bonus to keeping wages reasonable and preserving the profits of the job creators,” Gingrich concluded, “illegal immigrants will be competing for the same jobs as children who under my plan will once again be allowed to learn the lesson of a good twelve hour work-day.”

Mitt Romney had to admit that he liked the Gingrich plan. “Any policy that calls the same person legal one minute and can flip to calling them illegal the next is a plan after my own heart,” he said, “but then again, I might also be against it.”    


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