KRYPTONITE DISCOVERED NEAR SUPER COMMITTEE

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) - A large chunk of Kryptonite has been found near the committee room where the so-called Super Committee of twelve members of Congress have unsuccessfully attempted to solve the nation’s deficit crises. “No wonder the Super Committee has been acting like they are a bunch of helpless weaklings,” said Warner Garrison, a political research analyst with Voterbloc, an Arlington, Virginia political think tank. Val Hart, Senior Executive Editor of the Political Post echoed the sentiment saying, “There is no way these grown men and women who were elected to be leaders could be this pitifully ineffective without some good explanation.”

The FBI has ordered a hazmat team to remove the toxic hunk of Kryptonite, which is about the size and shape of a human head, which bears a strange resemblance to Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform. Federal authorities believe the placement of the material was part of a terrorist plot. “We believe that enemies of America did this to help guarantee that the US economy will fail,” said Henry P. Winston, Jr.. a senior Pentagon spokesman. “Don’t look at me,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, when asked if he thought there was a conspiracy to harm America, “but if the economy tanks in the war to make Obama a one-term president, than even a complete collapse of the American economy would be an acceptable bit of collateral damage.”